So It Begins

I've started this blog, not because I have anything important to say, but because I have many thoughts going through my mind at various times and nowhere to put them. You might say, why don't you talk to your friends or family? Because I have to admit I'm ashamed of some of things I think. Not proud of that, and I am far from trying to portray the image of perfection in the eyes of the people I love and care about. But, I need an outlet to put every crazy, asinine thought that can't be screamed in front of my children or spouted off at the grocery store in front of the clerk who only wants to get through her minimum wage shift without some nut-ball woman shouting in her line.

I need a place to put down all my thoughts so I can look back on them later with some sort of hindsight. An unbiased 3rd party, albeit inanimate, who I can vent to when I have a craptastic day who won't tell me I'm going to be fine, or find some way to turn the situation back on me and make me feel even more awful.

I've thought about just putting everything into an actual, paper & pen journal, but (and here's one of those shameful thoughts) I want some feedback.

I bet you're thinking, Wait a minute, didn't she just say she didn't want anyone knowing about all this? Isn't that why she isn't talking to a real, living, breathing person?? Yeah, I know. I didn't say this wasn't complicated or slightly insane. I'd like feedback from anyone who reads this. I don't care if it's a simple, hey I've been there. Or a rant that basically tells me to get my shit together and quit clogging up the interwebs with my rambling nonsense. Either one would be welcome. And this is cheaper than therapy.

It's not even like I think what I go through on a daily basis or my life in general is any different than the average "30-something mom & wife". On the contrary, I think the rambling ideas & crazy shit that goes on in my head & in my life are quite normal and commonplace. I don't want to give the impression that I think what I deal with is in any way harder or more important than what every one else is going through. I just don't want to be one of the thousands of people who keep everything bottled up. Which is way more commonplace than actually speaking your mind. But, that being said, I'm still a fucking coward and want to do my soapbox sermons anonymously. Because while I'm tired of being silent, I'm not ready to be completely transparent.